Although it’s our normal, at times it seems so strange and difficult to balance the 9 years between our two groups of children (Gabriel, 16 and Kaleigh, 14 – then Samuel, 5 and Josiah, 3).
There are so many positives: extra sets of hands to snuggle, wrangle or wrestle; babysitters who already live in our house; the innumerable real-life parenting skills the big kids have gained – diapering, feeding, entertaining, communicating, teaching, learning patience! We believe the experience has mostly served the big kids well (Kaleigh is a fantastic babysitter and Gabriel has all the markings of being an awesome dad someday). This gap is a big part of why we began homeschooling – so that all four children would hopefully have opportunity to build relationships with each other – more on that another time, perhaps. I’ve often told people that I never would have recommended or purposefully sought out a 9 year gap, but all-in-all, it’s worked out pretty well for us.
However, there have definitely been some negatives: the big kids sometimes feeling “put out” that we’ve relied on them too much for childcare/supervision; sometimes thinking they have more authority than they’ve actually been given; the little kids questioning whose authority is the one they should listen to; the NEVER ENDING quest to find a family outing or activity that actually appeals to all of us (that’s no easy feat!).
We are daily made aware that we are navigating two distinct parenting periods: driver’s licenses, high school curriculum, thinking about college and career goals vs. potty training (finishing that up now, yay Josiah!), learning basic skills (getting dressed, using scissors, following instructions), and Kindergarten planning for the Fall.
Are we giving the oldest two too much responsibility and expecting too much independence? Are they getting enough time to enjoy life and hang out with friends in addition to their schoolwork, extracurricular and household responsibilities? Do I spend enough time just PLAYING with the little two? How do we manage supervising/encouraging/guiding/teaching each of our children in the ways that they need? As is true with much of my life, some days I’m ON IT! Others, well, meh.
Mostly, I try to use my best judgment, gauge the moods/attitudes of the day, make adjustments accordingly, and continually pray for guidance. Although he has an extremely busy schedule, my husband is an excellent partner in this parenting gig.
We have four great kids – there are challenging moments/hours/days for each of them, but the smiles/witty conversation/laughter/fun/love far outweigh those trying times. Day to day we seem to be managing. Time will tell how well this has actually gone, I guess 🙂
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